THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize