Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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