Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
