Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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