worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
