We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
