I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
