and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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