did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
