If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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