i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
