Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
