That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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