god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
