I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
