end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
