He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
