We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
