I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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