Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize