whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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