I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
