operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
