Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
