well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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