I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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