Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't tell me you're on acid again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
