theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize