She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize