yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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