She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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