Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How external is "for external use only"?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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