i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
