The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
