Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
