Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
