well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
