Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
