omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize