I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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