I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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