i just wanna soil my oats bro
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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