So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
