ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wish there were birth control emojis
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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