it was like his penis was on wheels.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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