he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
