3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
