I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
