Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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