what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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