Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
