You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
