I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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