We tried having a conversation with our noses.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize