Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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