Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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