I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
