it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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