I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Still dying that you shit outside
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
