Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
