just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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