I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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