There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
