Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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