my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
