Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
