Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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