life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
