carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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