Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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