I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
