you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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