oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
