Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
