We got so high we made milksteak
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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