All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
