fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
