So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
