I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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