I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
