You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
