Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
