Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
