I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i will never coherently bang her
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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