Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
