He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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