hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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