i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize