And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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