he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
