singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize