I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
