At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
