I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Please, let me fuck your mom
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize