Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
