so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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