4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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