Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize