respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
why does every cop we meet know your name?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
