There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
not ubering you a puppy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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